My Golden, Indiana

Around Thanksgiving we found out our dear dog had cancer. We hoped it hadn't metastisized - the x-rays looked good - so we scheduled surgery to remove the tumor from his spleen. The results came back 7 days later as carcinosarcoma and the cancer had spread to his liver. Two weeks after that our dear boy died. We are heartbroken and miss him so much. For us, the lights aren't as bright this Christmas.

Sunday Musings

I love bluebirds. They visit each spring and stay awhile before they fly away in the late summer. I love not just their strength when they fly but their colors and tie to happiness. My daughters are like the bluebirds I love so much. I watch them fly and realize that was my job and I did it well.

Much is written about how our children wrap themselves around our hearts and become so dear to us. How much we miss them when they venture out on their own. I thought I was prepared. These last few years with them away in college has left me adrift. Like a bit of flotsam floating on stormy seas, calm some days and turbulent on others. But this year is different. My oldest just moved into her own apartment and living very independently. My youngest, who I've watched play team sports since she was 6 years old, is in her last year of undergrad college and planning to go to grad school. My husband and I happily drive to watch her volleyball matches and watch these games that are so much fun and provide a time to pursue my photography hobby. And this chapter is coming to an end. She is a loving child with a fierce streak that matches her red hair. These games have always provided a common ground for us three to put aside our differences through the years and feel the love. Isn't it interesting that as this chapter closes, we really don't need this common ground any more -- we all survived the turbulent teen years and have come out close. Like my oldest, she is moving into a new phase of life and ready to be independent.

I will find my way and enjoy life without the daily interaction with my children. Meanwhile, I am cleaning house -- not just the dirt and dust but filling bags from their rooms of their childhood things left behind. Filling bags from the basement rec room of more childhood things, and things we needed as a 4-unit family but with just my husband and I, we don't really need them any more. Like, how many cupcake pans do I really need right now? Creating piles of things to sell on eBay or a yard sale. It's like one big purge that will likely take me through the winter.

And then will come spring and the bluebirds -- and happiness.

Mama Ocean

There is a place I like to go
To dig in with my toes
A dance in between the waves
Just to that place where
Mama Ocean
Flirts a curvy line on Papa Beach


The morning sunrise starts my day
Especially when the sky turns my way.
The sea is full of stars glinting off the sun
While Dolphins race up the coast
And sea birds dip for fish,
I feel a peace come to life from within
And remember all the ways I love Mama Ocean.


Sometimes I want to be the first in the water
To tuck my head under the waves,
And begin my happy dance,
Diving with fish and coral
And dolphins and whales, oh my
Then flop on the boat like a beached seal
Sighing with joy as the sea water
Dries leaving warm salty trails on my skin
Lovely kisses from my Mama Ocean


I want to drag my trusty rusted chair
To the water's edge,
Where my dog digs a hole beside me amid
The delicate colors of cockle shells and angel wings.
Give me a good book and sounds of children playing
While Mama Ocean hugs me with gentle waves
Playing tag with my toes.


From sunrise to sunset
To dark nights where I can see
The sound of waves calling to me
And to moonlit nights
That if I place my toes just so
I can run a path over the water in the moon's glow
And feel such pure joy.


So many ways is Mama Ocean a part of me.
My mother took me to the beach and the gift continues as
I take my children to the beach to ride the waves
While I watch with pride and joy
That they love Mama Ocean, too